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Mario and Mikey were up early this morning putting the house to rights.

Mikey sat on the bathroom sofa while Mario preened in the mirror and they bad-mouthed the rest of their fellow housemates who were all still sleeping soundly in their beds.

First the two men bitterly discussed the smokers’ desire to spend their basic shopping budget on cigarettes.

Mario insisted he was putting his foot down and would not allow Rebecca to order tobacco with the group’s food budget.

Mikey branded her a “spoilt brat”.

The conversation then turned to Rachel. Mario branded her fake and her decision to move with Kathreya into the other bedroom as “selfish”.

Mikey said: “I know she said she moved to be with Kat.”

Mario said that Rachel was just sharing the bed with Kat to get male viewers excited.

Mikey replied: “Maybe she just likes female company and lying in bed with girls.”

Mario said: “Well she’s there in a single bed now.”

Mikey looked crest-fallen and asked: “Oh is she not sleeping in there in a single bed with Kat?”

Mikey then said: “Sara is playing a big game as well.”

Mario agreed: “Sara is playing an absolute blinder. I’m not saying this because you’re blind – I know you know what’s going on, but you can’t see it all. She’s all touchy touchy, stroking Darnell, touching me, all the men.”
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